Phileas? Where are you?!

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Attention all mat surfers in South East Asia. Be on the lookout for a highly tatooed inflatable laDY called Phileas. Last seen in the company of Japanese Mat Surfer Ryo Hiwasa.

We do not know where either of these individuals are at present. There are rumours of a surf trip in the deepest, darkest back of beyond but this is not confirmed. We know that Phileas has form when it comes to leading people astray and pray that she is not off the wagon and leading poor Ryo down some debauched path.

Please... For the love of all that is partially inflated... Help us bring Phileas and Ryo home...

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